Tuesday April 27, 2010

Well this morning I woke up at 6. My alarm is Misty Mountain Hop, haha. I decided to just get up and throw anything on today. I just re applied my make up and walked out the door. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything at all yesterday except at like 1, I just don't feel like eating. When I do eat, its forced cause I don't want my friends to worry. :/ Schools boring now, I hate that I have nothing to do, nobody to talk to or see, its really depressing. I like to be alone, don't get me wrong, but if I'm alone when I don't want to be, I just break down & cry. A lot of things have been happening that make me wonder how good of a person I am. Now more than I ever I'm starting to question my own value. I know its wrong, yada yada, but there's nobody to prove me different. Mr. Usigi called me maple syrup today cause once I ate oatmeal for breakfast & it smelled like I bathed in it syrup, HA! Fourth was alright, nothing big. After class, I left straight to my house so I could get cream developer because a friend was going to bleach my hair. Thats right, my hair is back to light now, y'all. I would've filled this blog with happy faces by now but I'm really not in the mood. I'm happy, but I just feel emotionally drained. My mood isn't very stable, I come off as bitchy or sad, but I'm just going through a lot, I'm hurt. Depending on the song I'm playing, I'll be happy, or I'll be sad. Well, not happy exactly, but I'll be, hanging in there, you know? I just heard the song "I Will" by The Beatles, & that song is just exactly what I feel towards someone right now, I started to cry because it feels as if I wrote it myself, its amazing, I'm crying again out of just love for this fucking song. It expresses more than anything I've even thought of saying to this person. I'm thankful for this song. <3 I definitely recommend it to anyone who has a heart. I went to my friends house, we did the bottom of my hair, & now I'm waiting for my mom to get home with another packet of bleach for the top half. I ate Taco Bell, but it feels like I had to force eat it cause I feel like vomiting it. :( Everyone's been telling me that I've been losing weight, haha, so I guess I shouldn't be eating at all anymore so I can keep it off. :O Well for now, that's all. Oh, my legs are killing me; I walked to Pico & back to Whittier within an hour & a half. :/


I just couldn't bear to hear those words that were spoken on the phone. Those 5 little words really did strike me through the heart, more than I thought. It just makes me think about the whole thing again, and it makes me sad. In the end I have to remember about what the outcome will be. I've never confessed anything that I've lied about to anyone, today was the first time. I couldn't stop myself from shaking, it was really scary because it sort of turned into a twitch. The stupid things we do sometimes.