Monday April 26 2010

Today was alright, I went to school early to meet up with Mallory so we can talk. She gave me pretty good advice, but nothing I haven't heard before & nothing I know won't happen already. I went on a field trip to UCLA & Benihanas. I didn't eat this morning because I just couldn't bring myself to. (you've read my blog -_-) I felt like a dumbass the whole hour and a half trip there because everyone saw me crying. I smeared my makeup too. ]: Anyways, I didn't really talk much, I just played music really loud so I can just drown out my own thoughts. My ears were practically bleeding by the time we got there, hah. I was alright when we got there, talking to Sal distracted me bunches. Then we saw that we had to climb over a hill, yes, a hill. I almost died, hah. Tig & I couldn't stop complaining about how hungry we were. I was ready to pounce on Benihanas, even if I'd never had it before. :] Like at around 12, we got on the bus again to LA (Benihanas). On the way there, I started crying again because I just got text messages that didn't please me. What can I say, I break down too fucking much. The thing with me is that I lose sight of things easily. When it comes to other things non emotionally related, I put others above myself. When it comes to emotions, I think of myself & its just ... hard to deal with it. In my situation, its a bad habit to have, too. By the time I left Benihanas I had a pretty clear mindset. I know what I have to do & until some people see what they need, I have to focus on myself. I only have 6 weeks of high school left & the thing I should be less focused on is what I'm concerned about. No more of that. I know in my heart what's going to happen, its almost safe to say I don't expect anything less than that. For now, I'll just live my life day by day; no worries, no tears. I'm only 17 & I carry the weight of too many people. After Benihanas, we came back to school, at like 3, hah. Then I saw Jasmine, she was going to Music Rev & I was going to Susies & Fashion Q, so we just went together. We spent the whole time just catching up on shit since we don't talk as often. Then Jessica texted me to go over, so I did, & I saw Aiden. :D At like 7 I had to go home cause my mom started calling me. I was on my way to Walmart, though so that trip was cancelled. It was so fresh out, too :[ So tomorrow I'm gunna make a transformation. (well I hope this time, my change actually works, hah ^-^) That's pretty much my whole day, I'm just laying on my bed with my computer, playing Pink Floyd. Until tomorrow, I fare thee well. :]